A tongue-firmly-in-cheek poem based on the book The Specialist by Charles Sale.
Charles’s Lem Putt, illustrated by William Kermode
Here, Tony Mansell replaces Charles Sale’s Lem Putt with Benjamin Albert Tregaskes…a Cornish entrepreneur. Neither man existed with those names but those who created these necessaries were real and their creations were in use from the Tamar to Land’s End.
Charles’ book is a classic and I encourage everyone to beg, borrow or buy a copy – you will not be disappointed.
Benjamin Albert Tregaskes,
A Cornishman of good repute.
A builder he was by profession,
you could tell by the cut of his suit.
But builders were on every corner
and no ordinary tradesman was he.
See, he’d decided there and then to specialise,
t’would attract a much bigger fee.
Having thoroughly researched his market,
he felt sure that he would succeed.
In building places of convenience,
them, of a lavatorial need.
He’d been told to write out his business plan.
Detailed it was, but brief.
He’d be known far and wide as The Specialist
and his creations would bring great relief.
His business was launched with a flourish.
An opening which all said was grand.
‘Twas much like the annual tea treat
with pasties, creamed splits and a band.
His buildings were all on display there,
all decked out with bunting and flag,
with queues as long as your right arm,
the orders were soon in the bag.
The novel designs are what sold them,
plus old Albert’s slick salesman’s chat.
With discount on the first order
And a novel avoidance of VAT.
With roofs that were flat, pitched or linney
and motifs he’d cut in the door
and for they who wanted more privacy,
he’d fit a lock for one and six more.
They were mostly placed in back gardens,
with a path that led down from the house.
Where there were plenty of regular visits
from the spiders, the wood louse or mouse.
There was always a shelf for your candle
and a nail on the door for your hat.
With everything strategically positioned
you could always tell what you’re at.
“I once built a four ‘oler version,”
he recalled with obvious pride,
“twas for this large family in Wadebridge,
they’d sit in a row – side by side”.
But men like old Albert Tregaskes
have long since passed from our view.
Their legacy remains to this day though
and history must give them their due.
So now as you sit there in comfort,
enjoying the occasional nap,
just offer some thanks to old Albert,
that industrious, inventive old chap.
Tony Mansell is the author of several books on aspects of Cornish history. In 2011 he was made a Bardh Kernow (Cornish Bard) for his writing and research, taking the name of Skrifer Istori. He has a wide interest in Cornish history, is a researcher with the Cornish National Music Archive specialising in brass bands, and a sub-editor with Cornish Story.
This made me smile