The Specialist

A tongue-firmly-in-cheek poem based on the book The Specialist by Charles Sale.

Charles’s Lem Putt, illustrated by William Kermode

Here, Tony Mansell replaces Charles Sale’s Lem Putt with Benjamin Albert Tregaskes…a Cornish entrepreneur. Neither man existed with those names but those who created these necessaries were real and their creations were in use from the Tamar to Land’s End.

Charles’ book is a classic and I encourage everyone to beg, borrow or buy a copy – you will not be disappointed.

Benjamin Albert Tregaskes,

A Cornishman of good repute.

A builder he was by profession,

you could tell by the cut of his suit.

But builders were on every corner

and no ordinary tradesman was he.

See, he’d decided there and then to specialise,

t’would attract a much bigger fee.

Having thoroughly researched his market,

he felt sure that he would succeed.

In building places of convenience,

them, of a lavatorial need.

He’d been told to write out his business plan.

Detailed it was, but brief.

He’d be known far and wide as The Specialist

and his creations would bring great relief.

His business was launched with a flourish.

An opening which all said was grand.

‘Twas much like the annual tea treat

with pasties, creamed splits and a band.

His buildings were all on display there,

all decked out with bunting and flag,

with queues as long as your right arm,

the orders were soon in the bag.

The novel designs are what sold them,

plus old Albert’s slick salesman’s chat.

With discount on the first order

And a novel avoidance of VAT.

With roofs that were flat, pitched or linney

and motifs he’d cut in the door

and for they who wanted more privacy,

he’d fit a lock for one and six more.

They were mostly placed in back gardens,

with a path that led down from the house.

Where there were plenty of regular visits

from the spiders, the wood louse or mouse.

There was always a shelf for your candle

and a nail on the door for your hat.

With everything strategically positioned

you could always tell what you’re at.

“I once built a four ‘oler version,”

he recalled with obvious pride,

“twas for this large family in Wadebridge,

they’d sit in a row – side by side”.

But men like old Albert Tregaskes

have long since passed from our view.

Their legacy remains to this day though

and history must give them their due.

So now as you sit there in comfort,

enjoying the occasional nap,

just offer some thanks to old Albert,

that industrious, inventive old chap.

Tony Mansell is the author of several books on aspects of Cornish history. In 2011 he was made a Bardh Kernow (Cornish Bard) for his writing and research, taking the name of Skrifer Istori. He has a wide interest in Cornish history, is a researcher with the Cornish National Music Archive specialising in brass bands, and a sub-editor with Cornish Story.