A Cornish Dialect series by Tony Mansell
“I may as well tellee, Sid, I’m goin get married.”
“Married! Who to?”
“Woddy mean, who to? Maggie, of course.”
“Rush job is it? I spose tis one of they there gate-post cheelds?”
“No tidn and don’t you go spreadin no rumours sayin tis. We bin courtin for years and hengaged for 10 and she thought twas bout time we got round to it.”
“Es well if Maggie da say so then you got do n I reckon, talk bout bein led but not drove!”
“Now ang on Mr Bugger, I gotta mind of me own; it just so appens that tis a joint decision.”
“Alright, alright, keep yr bleddy hair on. Is it goin be a vicar or minister job then – or asn’t Maggie told ee yet?”
“If you must know tis goin be in church and that’s down to you.”
“Me, what the ell’s it got do with me?”
“Well, I got me own way on one thing and that’s bout you bein the Best Man. Maggie wodn very keen but you’re my oldest friend and I want you there by my side. She’ve never said but I reckon somethin appened tween you two and that’s why she don’t want you there. But I hinsisted.”
“Bleddy ell, Jan, I’m touched.”
“I’m sure you are and wos more, I’m sure Maggie was too. But nuff said bout that, do ee haccept?”
“Ess, Ess Sid, course I do but why is it in the church cos of me?”
“Cos the minister avn forget bout you and the horganist. Ee said ee wudn let you set foot in the chapel again.”
“Bleddy long memories these Methodists! Ere, ave ee told er ow things are goin be.”
“What the ell are ee on bout now – ow things are goin be?”
“Well, there’s darts, euchre and our usual drinkin nights – that’s five nights you won’t be there to keep er company.”
“Well er father was never ome so I spect she’s used to it.”
“Right, as long as she knows what’s what. Anyway, when’s this ere weddin goin be, set a date avee?”
“Well, not exactly, we da reckon in two year’s time. Make sure you keep n free!”
“Ess, I’ll put n in my diry and that way I won’t miss n. Are ee goin ave the bells and everythin what do go with n?”
“I spect so but we aven sorted that out yet.”
“Well, whatever you do tis goin set ee back a bit what with feedin everybody.
“Ess, well tis no more than Maggie do deserve. Aunt Freda’s goin make some sarnies and Delilah Jane’s goin make a pasty or two. We aren’ goin stint n.”
Are ee goin ave a taxi to get ee there?”
“Well see, Maggie da want to arrive in style so weem goin use my old pony and shay.”
“Bleddy hell Sid, she can’t ride on that bleddy ole thing, tis scat to lerrups.”
“Well I got a few laths from that old gate that fell down an I’ll patch n up a bit nearer the time.”
“But what if it da rain, she’s goin arrive there looking like a bleddy winnard.”
“Aw, you da worry too much, jus you get yerself there – on time and sober.”
“Now, I aven done this job afore but I da ear that the Best Man do get a few privileges – who are ee avin as bridesmaids?”
Well there’s Annie Trewyn for a start an I know she won’t take no nonsense from you
“Annie! Ell Boy she must be ninety if she’s a day. I mean, aren’t ee goin have someone with a bit of go in er.”
“Well see, Maggie will decide who she wants so you’ll ave to wait and see.”
“So … I spose you’ll be wantin me to make a speech.”
“Ess, I spect so but Maggie will want to see n all writ out proper so she can hedit out the bits she don’t like. She da know what your like.”
“Well I was thinkin that some of my stories bout Maggie would go down well. You da know, afore you and she got hitched up.”
“Like when you was sniffin round you mean?”
“Ess, ess, I reckon they’d be proper.”
“Well I don’t and nor will Maggie.”
“Aw bleddy ell Jan, anyway, who’s beer are ee avin.”
“Well, that’s the thing, Maggie don’t want no beer, tis goin be sherry and soft drinks.”
“Did you ear what I said, Sid? Tis goin be sherry and soft drinks.”
“I eard ee sure nuff, I was just wondrin if tis too late to resign.”
